so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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