I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
