I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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