Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
