1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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