I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
