dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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