it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
