Don't you send me to vm
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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