I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
