Nicole vs. Life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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