im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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