Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
