apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
