my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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