i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
