i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
