one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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