3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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