Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
