get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
