Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
