I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
