It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize