What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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