FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
