So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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