And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
