If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
