there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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