She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need moral support for this bender
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your cock deserves a montage
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
