it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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