hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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