you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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