Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
