Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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