Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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