So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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