i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
