a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
