is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize