My first STD was from a foam party
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
