And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
