Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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