I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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