You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
