CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
