remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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