I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
