I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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