So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
