I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
