Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
