You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize