And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize