That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
