Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
