I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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