Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
