O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
