i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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