Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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