Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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