you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
