Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
