She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
