Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
