WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
