so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
