I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's blow job season.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
