My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
