Swine flu. Run for my life!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
