You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
