This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
