Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
