my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
