Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
