this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
