he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
