I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
