peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
