you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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