Welp...herpes.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
