Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
