My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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