ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
