I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
