I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
