so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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