The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize