You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
