giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
