after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
